Congratulations, Bachelor Nation and Team Jordan, you’ve made it to the end of ‘The Bachelorette’ season 12! If you didn’t watch last night’s episode and you’re somehow still unaware of who the winner is, we suggest you get off the internet right now because we — along with everyone else online — are about to spoil it for you.
With their daughter and her two remaining boyfriends still hanging out in Thailand, JoJo’s parents and siblings have no choice but to fly out to Phuket if they want to meet their future son-in-law/brother-in-law before the proposal.
Jordan, America’s favorite former quarterback and estranged brother of Green Bay Packers quarterback Aaron Rodgers, meets the Fletcher family first. He gets about 30 seconds of screen time before the show switches its attention to Robby “The Ken Doll” Hayes for an hour.
It’s getting down to the wire, Bachelor Nation, and America’s favorite former quarterback Jordan Rodgers is very close to officially winning the heart of Bachelorette JoJo.
This week’s episode of ‘The Bachelorette’ began with three men standing in Jordan’s way, but ended with just one after savage JoJo broke the hearts of both Luke and Chase immediately after each one told her he was in love with her, because that’s a cool thing to do.
Just like any normal woman dating multiple men, JoJo flew herself and her boyfriends out to Thailand to spend some alone time with each one of them. Jordan started his date by running slowly out of the water towards JoJo on the beach à la Baywatch — or should we say Bae-watch?
For diehard ‘Bachelor’ fans, this week’s episode of ‘The Bachelorette’ was a thriller, as Bachelorette JoJo went to the hometowns of each of her boyfriends, met their families and then couldn’t decide who to break up with.
For sports fans, this week’s episode just made us uncomfortable as we continue to struggle with our conflicting feelings about great quarterback but terrible brother and son, Aaron Rodgers.
Aaron’s little brother, Jordan, is still the frontrunner to win JoJo’s heart this season, but in the past few weeks he’s started to open up about his strained relationship with his famous sibling.
Since last Monday was the Fourth of July, we didn’t get a new episode of The Jordan Rodgers Show (aka ‘The Bachelorette’) which, frankly, seems un-American.
We’re back this week, though, and last night’s episode was one for the ages.
Bachelorette JoJo had narrowed her pool of suitors down to five in what has so far been a grueling season of football games and soccer games, and then some other things we don’t care about as much.
Since the group of men vying for JoJo’s love is so small now, there were three opportunities for a one-on-one date — and our boy Jordan was lucky enough to be chosen, much to the dismay of the rest of the group.
Another week, another episode of ‘The Bachelorette,’ and another group date for America’s favorite former quarterback who also happens to be America’s favorite current quarterback’s little brother.
Bachelorette JoJo took another step closer to marrying Jordan Rodgers during the first part of last night’s episode when she broke up with some radio DJ who is 90 pounds soaking wet, while we (and Jordan) anxiously awaited a date.
Thankfully, Jordan didn’t get stuck with the dreaded two-on-one date this week, where one person is guaranteed to be sent home. Instead, he got to explore the city of Buenos Aires, Argentina, with his beautiful girlfriend and four other dudes. Romantic.
Happy Tuesday, everybody!
After a week off from ‘The Bachelorette,’ we’re finally all able to reconvene and talk about Aaron Rodgers’ little brother some more. Not that we ever actually stopped — you can see our Jordan Rodgers update from last week here — but now we actually have some new things to discuss.
First off, we were treated to Good Guy Jordan attempting to diffuse the unstable bomb that is Chad Johnson (who former NFL star Chad ‘Ochocinco’ Johnsonaffectionately calls ‘white Chad’). Jordan presents Chad with an opportunity to apologize to the house for being, well, Chad, to which Chad responds by telling Jordan he doesn’t have ‘half a brain.’
Correct. He has two halves of a brain. At least, as far as we’re aware. But we’re not neuroscientists.
The update on America’s favorite former quarterback this week is… nothing. We didn’t get a new episode of ‘The Bachelorette’ last night, because life is awful and nothing matters.
Thankfully, we live in the age of the internet, where extra content and behind-the-scenes clips abound. Before we proceed, we recommend you spend some time catching up on our Jordan Rodgers updates, from week 1, week 2, and week 3 part 1 and part 2. Go on, we’ll wait.
All set? Great. Now, let’s get back to that thing about “fluffing” from the third week’s embarrassing sex stories date.
Tuesday night’s bonus episode of ‘The Bachelorette’ was chock full of more blood, muscles and football — and has us convinced once and for all that this season is skewed to benefit former quarterback Jordan Rodgers.
The show started with a pool party, where over a dozen shirtless men tried synchronized diving and other silly tricks in order to impress bikini-clad bachelorette, JoJo. Mercifully, Jordan quickly scooped JoJo up for some one-on-one time where JoJo admits that she really likes him and he makes her nervous. You know, the usual high school stuff.
According to JoJo, Jordan is “hard to read,” which is different from some other athletes who just have a hard time reading.
Congratulations, Bachelor nation! You get two testosterone-packed episodes of ‘The Bachelorette’ this week, which, luckily for us, means extra time with everyone’s favorite former quarterback, Jordan Rodgers.
In part 1 of the show last night, Jordan and his hair got caught up in some drama with the season’s villain, Chad (whose full name, we recently learned, is Chad Johnson… sound familiar?). After Chad revealed he would rather not see JoJo at all than go on a group date with 11 other guys, Jordan took the time to kindly re-explain the concept of the show — which, in case you’ve also forgotten, is for many men to compete on dates for the love of one woman. Thanks for the refresher, Jordan.
Chad didn’t take kindly to Jordan’s sass, and rebutted by calling him “a 27-year-old failed football player.” As if Chad didn’t have enough enemies already, he now has all of us, because how dare you talk to our boy Jordan like that! He’s not a failure! It’s not possible for a Rodgers brother to be a failure! They excel at both Hail Mary passes and winning the hearts of women everywhere!
On this week’s episode of ‘The Bachelorette,’ everyone’s favorite former quarterback Jordan Rodgers did not get selected for the first group date or for a one-on-one date with JoJo, which begs the question: why did we even watch the first hour of this show?
Once we got through the firefighting group date in which the firefighter won(shocker), we were rewarded with some quality Jordan time at the offices of ESPN. The date began with JoJo on the set of SportsNation saying that Stephen Curry is a “pretty decent player.” She also insisted she “grew up watching ESPN” rather than any specific team, probably because she’s from Dallas and didn’t want to admit to the entire nation that she’s a Cowboys fan.